Venting

I really wish that everyone around me could just really get what I am going through and how I really feel. For a week now I have had this enormous headache. All I want to do is stay in my bed and sleep all day long. I have my bedroom set up to stay dark all the time. In fact today I didn't come out of my bedroom until after 3 pm(except to go to the bathroom). I wish I could sleep all day but I can't, why because I very rarely sleep. I took my ambien at 9 pm last night but didn't doze off until after 4 this morning. I didn't sleep all that long, by 5 I was up with leg cramps, then back up by 6 to walk around a little, this kept on happening up until 8 until I finally gave up. But no one around here seems to get it.

My sister, who never takes care of herself has been sick because she went outside without shoes and got a cut on her foot, and now may have to have it amputated. So she is on 24 hour IV antibiotics to get rid of the blood/bone infection. Nobody questions it if she lives in bed all the time, but let me stay in bed and no one lets me get any rest. I still have to run for my boys and for her family. If she needs something they all expect me to just jump and help out. But when I need something no one is every there for me. Of course why should they you can't see what is wrong with me....It's all in my head!

Then there is my boyfriend who thinks if I am sick he can call in a few hours and all of a sudden I should be perfectly fine. He will never get how much pain I am in, or how I feel. I know it's mean but for one day I wish they could all go through what I do, feel all my pain, then have to work, run errands, cook, and clean. Then maybe they would all understand that sometimes I need a break and I actually need help. I don't think that I should have to say what's going on it should just be understood. I shouldn't have to ask for help they should just be there for me.

My bf says well I know when you really feel bad because that's when you complain. But when I do complain him and everyone else around me just seem to ignore me, so why the hell should I say anything. I don't have a choice to work, cook, clean, and everything else, if I didn't it wouldn't get done.

I am really going crazy right now just thinking about what's going to happen by June. My youngest turns 18, by that happening I will lose 1/2 of my income. He is on SSI due to his medical condition and his child support will go away. He will be going off to college so he will need all the money he can get. I would go get a second job if I think my body could handle it. I am hoping to have surgery in June, then maybe after recovering I can go out and get that second job to live off of it. I work my ass off and it has gotten me any where. My sister and her husband can live off the system(she gets SSI, her son gets SSI for autism, and they get foodstamps) and they live well.

I guess I am done complaining for now.