Emotionally Drained!

I have to say the last 3 weeks have been so difficult for me. For one, I haven't had my ambien because the insurance company decided they didn't want to cover it any more. Then, my doctor was out for the last 3 weeks. So, this has led to me not sleeping for 3 weeks now. I have no energy at all to get me going. I can't blame it all on lack of sleep though, I will admit that I have been lazy too. Thankfully my doctor is back and just called in a generic form of ambien and I am so hoping that tonight I finally get some much need sleep.

The second reason it hasn't been well for me lately is I am having a lot of emotional stress. Both in my finances and in my relationship. I am trying to figure out how to deal with the next few month and my income being cut in 1/2 by May. It is so stressing thinking about how you can manage to have the surgery you need but don't want to end up living in your car. I won't go into my relationship issues but I am not sure still how that will turn out.

Because of all these problems I haven't been working out and I have been overeating. I hoping I can get passed all of this and get back on the right tract. I am sure getting some sleep will help with it, but I need to get everything worked out and get out of this funk!

I hope I haven't disappointed anyone or let anyone down. I am so sorry.

Food and a Budget

 The doctor told me the other day (and most diets say) to give up breads and cereals. I don't mind giving up bread, that really wouldn't bother me, but giving up cereal would kill me. I love cereal probably more than chocolate. I don't keep chocolate in the house, but I do keep cereal, in fact I have probably 7 boxes of cereal in the kitchen right now. I can't just get rid of all of it, besides I have a teenage boy who likes it once in awhile. I think of it this way, 1 container of most yogurts have 100 calories and 19 carbs, 1 serving of cereal has 110 to 120 calories, dry, which is how I eat it most of the time. To me it taste better than the yogurt too. Granted once in awhile I have 2% milk with it and that puts my Honey Nut Cheerios at 150 calories a serving. Besides, I can buy yogurt for 2 to 3 for $1.00 but I can go to Grocery Outlet and get a box of cereal for $1.49 or less. The yogurt would be 3 servings but the cereal has 10 to 12 servings a box.

  I think one of my problems is that I have to manage a whole months of food on a very tight budget, most of the time $150 or less is what I have to spend. Then there is the fact that I have a kid who has to be on a high calorie diet to keep weigh on him. Naturally I buy all of his food first, then if there is money left I buy a few things for me. To all the people who say they can buy healthy food on a tight budget is lying! Of course doctors and dietitians do not understand this. Ok, rant over....for now

 Tonight I got in 25 minutes on the bike. Last night before bed, or rather while laying in bed, I did 50 crunches. I am surprised I have done this much lately since I feel like the walking dead. No sleep for 4 days straight now.

Dizzy and Off Balance

Tonight I had to stop riding my bike just after 18 minutes...why? I got so dizzy and off balance that I almost fell off the bike. This is the first time this has happened on the bike. My dizziness and balance issues have been getting much worse lately. I almost fell over at my sister's house last night, thank goodness the walls in the hallway were there to catch me. I am unsure if it's my high blood pressure, or my chiari, or a combination of both.

But anyway I did 18 minutes on the bike. I also got in 50 crunches last night before bed ( around 2 am), I will do the same tonight before bed.

I don't think I will be getting any sleep for a while since I have no sleep aide. I tried 10 mg of melatonin along with benadryl last night and neither put me to sleep.

Gained 2 Pounds....Yuck!

The doctors scale confirmed that I gained 2 lbs. So, tomorrow I am going on a strict diet once again. He even told me that I shouldn't worry too much about losing weight until I take care of the chiari. But, I can see myself weighing 300 to 400 lbs, if I don't try to keep it off. I will just have to stay away from anything Jake cooks!

The doctor I saw today is new at the clinic that I go to. I saw him because my doctor is out until the 23rd and I needed some of my meds refilled before then. I really liked him,   my blood pressure was very high today. He asked if I was under any stress.  I mentioned I had just left work and had a bad day with my student , I also threw the chiari malformation out there and he knew all about it. He said he was going to go into neurology but decided that wasn't best for his family. He was shocked when he asked me how I was diagnosed and how long it took for me to see a neurosurgeon much less get a MRI. The only thing I didn't like was he told me I had to wait for my doctor to return before I can talk about getting a new sleep aid. That means a few weeks without sleep for me.

I Hate The Scales

For the last week I have rode my bike for 6 of the 7 days and have avoided foods that are bad for me, so why the heck do the scales say I have gained 2 lbs? I am so frustrated! Tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment and I am hoping their scales show something different. I know my neurosurgeon said that chiari can cause you to not lose weight but I was hoping he was wrong. This is enough to totally depress me.

Oh well, I did my bike and will do my crunches before bed.

Rough Day

I actually slept for a few hours last night! I woke at 4 this morning with a horrible nauseous headache. I took an extra tramadol and tried to go back to sleep. Finally at 6:00 am I was able to go back to sleep but woke at 8:00 with that same headache. More meds but when I tried laying back down but that seem to make my head hurt worse. When I looked outside I noticed what was causing my head to hurt so much, the clouds. I know that here in CA we really need the rain but I can't handle the effect this causes. The pain and pressure are extreme. I did much of nothing most of the day and didn't even get out of my pjs until after 1 pm. I tried drinking coffee and diet pepsi thinking that the caffeine would help with the headache. I took Jake to a basketball game and ran to the store. Finally my headache was letting up somewhat. The clouds are starting to go away.

I managed to get through 20 minutes on my bike tonight. I will also get my crunches done before bed.

Back To Work

I had been off work for winter break, so Monday was the first day back. Lets just say I am totally exhausted. I haven't had much time to put my feet up, so they have been swollen.

I have been on the lazy side the last 2 nights. Well I don't know if you can call it lazy because I have been working and running around. Since starting back on the bile my hips are killing me. I thought I would give them a rest to see if that was causing the pain, well it wasn't, I was back on the bile tonight.

I have to say my diet the last few nights has been horrible. Last night my son made this wonderful cinnamon roll cake and I had to try it to be polite...right? Then tonight I made a very unhealthy fried chicken and waffles. I have been so bad and will get back on track eventually.

For some reason my balance has been off today, I know it's a chiari thing but it's really off.  Have you ever had to think before you stepped up or down on a sidewalk or stairs? Because of my chiari I do every time I go to step up on a curb or stairs. I can't just quickly get down from stairs or a curb, I have to actually stop and think about lifting my leg and which one. Just something I thought about today or rather really noticed today.

I know that where I live in CA that we really need the rain, but right now I am wishing I never had to be in a place where there are clouds and change of pressure in the atmosphere. my head is at the point where I wish it would just explode so the pain in my head and neck would go away!

I Need Sleep!!!

I think the thing I really hate about chiari is the insomnia. Most of the time I will only get one good night sleep every 2 to 3 months, other than that I am lucky to get 3 hours a night. Well, the last few nights have been horrible! I have only gotten about 3 hours in the last 2 days. I am not sure if the pharmacy switching my ambien to the generic version has caused my extreme insomnia or my symptoms are just increasing.

I also have experienced something new. The other day while driving, all of sudden my head and behind my eyes felt like it was filling up with air. My face wasn't swollen but it felt like it was. Then having the vertigo the other day.

I started back to work today after being off for the last 2 weeks for winter break. All I can say is I am totally exhausted. I did however manage to get in 20 minutes on the bike. Before bed I will get in my crunches too. Last night I did 40 crunches and 20 reverse crunches. I think I am back on this exercise mode. Now hopefully I will see some weight or inches come off.

Vertigo?

I woke up this morning to not feeling well at all. I went to stand up and almost fell down. It was so hard for me to get from my bedroom to my bathroom(they are pretty close together). The whole room was spinning and I could not stand straight up, I held on to the walls the whole way. I was also very nauseated, and ended up vomiting. I was in bed until 3 pm today. I finally managed to get up, then sit up, then finally walk without feeling I was going to fall over.

But I didn't let this weird feeling stop me tonight. I managed to get in 20 minutes on the bike. I will also be doing my crunches before bed.

Oh a thing about chiari that really bugs me when I am not feeling well and just want quiet, the constant noise in my head. I guess you would call it white noise, you know for the older people, it's like when the TV went off air before there was the blue screen. When you have chiari there is never a such thing as quiet. You have noises bugging you all the time if it's not the fuzzy noise it's ringing in your ears.

Back On The Bike

I have been meaning to get back on my bike to see if I could jump start the weight loss again. I wasn't losing any so I thought I would try a few different things to see I my body needed a change. Even a month of aerobics did nothing for me. So, tonight I thought I would climb back on my stationary bike and give it ago.

I was surprised that I could actually make it a whole 30 minutes. What helps me forget about the time is being on fb or games while riding. Besides the batteries are dead on the part of the bike that keeps track of everything and I didn't have any of that size in the draw.

After my bike I did 20 sit-ups/crunches. Now hopefully this will get me somewhere.

The bad part is I am broken out in hives because of sweating and bringing up my body temp.