Disappointed in Myself

I forgot to post last night so I will catch you up on it now. I had a very stressful day at work. Then it was grocery shopping and taking my son to do something. I got home around 7 pm. Then it was off to the farm with my youngest son to feed and work with his steer. I got home and finally ate dinner around 8:30. I was very exhausted and feeling horrible so I went to bed not doing any work out at all. I did even have the strength to take a shower.

I didn't sleep well at all. It was an up and down night. I had a horrible headache when I woke up and still have it tonight. I still had a few things to do today. I went and fed Jake's steer at 10 am because he had band practice all day starting at 8 am. I then decided to get the grocery shopping done today because by tomorrow the stores will be crazy because it will be the first. I went to Grocery Outlet about 10 miles away. I got my groceries and headed to the check out line. I grabbed a diet pepsi and then I saw it a box of 6 doughnuts. I should have never picked up that box. I hadn't ate before I left the house so I decided to open it and have one on my ride home. Before I knew it I ate all 6 of them. I haven't done anything like that in at least 5 years. I am not sure why I did that.

I have been eating a lot of things I shouldn't be since going back to work. I feel it's all the stress I have been put under at work. I am having a hard time dealing with it and know it's probably going to get worse. So I am doing what comes natural...eating. I really need to find some way of dealing with it other than eating. I am so very disappointed in myself right now.

Again tonight I haven't done any form of exerciser. My head is killing me. I do plan on getting some crunches in when it cools off tonight. It's still 90 degrees in my house. I do know that I won't be climbing on that noisy bike tonight.

I also got pissed off at my sister tonight. She had made dinner and I had promised to go over, so I did. Then she tells me right after dinner I am sorry but I need to go to bed I am in a lot of pain. I said I know how that feels. Then she responded with I don't think you know what kind of pain I am in and there's no way you could have this much. I thought she understood the whole chiari thing and how much pain I could have but she didn't. What really pisses me off is that she is on a ton of pain meds. She has a pain patch, norcos, and muscle relaxers. But no doctor has found anything causing the pain. They have found what is causing my pain but won't give me anything other than ibuprofen and tramadol. Don't get me wrong, I don't want any of those pain meds, but how the hell did she get them to give her all those with no reason for the pain. Sorry for my bitching but just had to get that out there.

8/29/13

Today was a very, very long day at work for me. I think I took my student on about 5, 15 minute walks today and that's not counting the other walking I did around campus. I have been on my feet so much the last 2 days they have been swollen so they hurt to walk on them. Today I also not only sat in something wet, but I snagged the butt of my pants. Then after work I went and baby sat my nephews. I finally got home after 7 pm tonight.

However, I managed to get on my bike and ride 20 minutes and do my 50 crunches.

Change of Mind

Due to a comment from a great friend LeAnn I have decided to continue with my blog. I can't let negative people ruin what I have started. There may be someone somewhere that I am helping. So if you don't like my blog please discontinue reading it.

I had a very long stressful day at work and I am in a lot of pain from last 2 nights bike rides. I am not going to do the bike tonight but have done 50 crunches.

September kicks off National Chiari Awareness month. I will try to post 1 fact a day during that month. I may repeat some information that I have already given because frankly I can't remember what I have posted. It will be easier to repeat then me to go through every post and reread them.

8/27/13 Last Post

This may be my last post. I am probably being to sensitive but some people are just mean. Believe me I am not doing this for attention. I am also actually doing everything I have posted. I am not just being a fat lazy person making people think I am working out and not doing it. I guess I take things seriously and it hurts when someone is just cruel. In my mind if I don't blog then mean people can't make cruel remarks that I keep having to get rid of. Like every decision I have made in my life this seems like another bad one. I just intended to not only educate people on this disease and show myself I can actually lose weight. I din't do it to be made fun or bullied, I had enough of that through school.

Tonight I did do 32 minutes and little over 6 miles on my bike.

Monday 8/26/13

For being a minimum day at work I feel like it was a full day. I am totally exhausted. I came home and vegged in front of the computer for a while. I then cooked dinner, then took Jake to the farm. While there I swept up the hay and brushed the steer. Boy, did he come close to licking me in the face...yuck!

I am wondering how I got the energy up to ride my bike. I didn't do just my usual 20 minutes tonight. I actually did 30 minutes! I think with being on fb and playing candy crush and pet rescue kept me busy. I beat 2 levels on candy while riding tonight. I have also manage my 50 crunches...yay me!

I think I am going to shower and maybe lay down for a while. I am sure Troy will text for a ride around 10 pm. I have 2 hours to go for that.

Better Day/Weigh In

I still have a headache and a pounding in my ears but it is way more tolerable. I didn't too much at all today. I just took it easy. I took Jake to feed the steer, then laid in bed until almost 2 pm. Then just spent time watching the Giants play...they won last night and today!!! I also spent time on fb. I then took Troy to work and went to my sister's for dinner, then out to watch Jake work with the steer. When I got home I did my 20 minutes on the bike, I only managed 3.74 miles and 388 calories burnt, I just wasn't riding as fast. I then did only 40 crunches, but I did some.

As far as weigh in, I got on the scales first thing this morning and they were very nice to me today. I lost another pound! I am at 229 lbs! For me that is a big deal, I have not weighed under 230 lbs in many years. I didn't measure myself because I am bloated.

I guys don't want to hear this so if you're one you might want to stop reading now. I have talked to many other women suffering with chiari and around their time of the month their headaches and pains get worse. I believe that's why my headache has been terrible the last few days. It always gets bad around that time of the month.

Terrible, Awful, Horrible Head Pain

I thought that I did my blog last night but it's not there tonight. So I will start with it.  Yesterday was busy between work, the Olive Festival Parade, and feeding the steer, but I managed to do my 20 minutes on my bike and my crunches.

This morning as soon as I woke up at 7 am I felt stabbing pains in my head. It hurt to move it at all. I got up and took my meds and went back to bed. I kept dozing but my head wasn't feeling much better. At 10 I got up and took more of my ibuprofen and tramadol, but took an extra tramadol. I laid back down and dozed again off and on. for a little while. I remembered I had promised to feed the steer for Jake becaue he had to be at the festival site by 7 am and I didn't want to get up that early. I managed to put some clothes on and go feed the steer, run to the store, and get some caffeine. I came back home and laid in bed until around 1 pm. I took some more meds. I finally have my headache to where I can deal with it. I promised yesterday that I would make dinner tonight at my sister's house and I managed to do that. I am home but still not feeling great so it's going to be a night off from the bike. I can tolerate the headache but if I got on that noisy bike I am sure it would get bad again. I did manage to get 40 crunches done today. I am hoping tomorrow is a better day!

Two Days in One

I remembered last night, on my way to bed, that I hadn't come on here to post. At that point I was just to tired and had to be up extra early.

Yesterday was my first day back after summer break but not the students first day. Even though it was still a very long and tiring day. Too much sitting, too much walking, and not use to having to do it all. I know it had only been 2 months but it seemed like it was my first day back after 6 months or so.

I did manage to ride my bike and do my crunches yesterday and today. I am exhausted but I tend to keep it up.

Today was my students first day back and so far so good. On a side note there wasn't any work required today, mostly only listening.

Another teacher today ask why I wasn't at the senior(my youngest son is a senior this year) breakfast. I just told her I had a lot to do this morning. In reality if they really knew what it took for me to just get myself ready in the mornings maybe they wouldn't ask, but of course I could explain but I don't think they would get it all.

I start out a work morning by setting my clock 30 minutes earlier than I need. I get up and take my morning meds. I then return to bed for 30 minutes, long enough for the ibuprofen and tramadol to take the edge off my headache. I get up, do some small things, get something small to eat so I don't vomit. I get Jake up. Then I try to finish getting ready for work. Sometimes(most of the times) I have to sit in between getting my hair and make up done before getting it all done and I am out the door.

This morning was crazy because we had to feed the steer, come home, Jake got ready while I laid down, I took him to the breakfast at 6:10, then managed to come home and finish getting ready before I had to be out the door by 7:10. I don't think they would have wanted me there in my pjs.

8/20/13

Last night was yet another sleepless night. So what do I do when I can't sleep? I usually watch some tv, when bored with that then, fb/candy crush on my phone, and for the last few months I work with my elastic bands. I am trying to keep my legs and arms from getting to weak. So at 2 this morning I used my bands and did some leg lifts.

Today I got laundry done, vacuumed, mopped, and not much else. Oh I did 50 crunches while watching Dr. Phil. Cooked dinner, then usual at the farm while Jake was walking/working with his steer. I swept up the hay and other stuff at there, and then brushed the bull. When we first started out there this year the bull was very mean and slammed his head against the gate when I walked up there. Now he comes running and moos until I brush him.

I came home and did my 20 minutes on my bike. Altogether a pretty good day. I have to admit I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I just don't know how I am going to handle a student I have to get physical with(moving him/removing him from class) he's a very big 10 year old.

8/19/13

Today I figured I need to just ignore whatever is going on with my back because nothing is helping it at all. I sucked it up and did my crunches and leg lifts. As of today I can do 50 crunches/sit ups without stopping. I only did the 50 but I was proud of myself for being able to do that. I also did 20 leg lifts.

I thought I would share a scary moment with you that happened last night while cooking dinner. I was making twice baked potatoes. I had mixed all my ingredients together and it was pretty creamy, so I tasted it to make sure I had enough seasonings. I took 1 small bite and started choking. I just couldn't get it down. I coughed and tried clearing my throat for 1/2 hour. It scared me and scared Jake. He kept asking if it had went down the wrong way. It hadn't went down the wrong way it was just stuck in my throat. I tried drinking water and nothing was working. Finally I got it down but had a very scratchy throat and felt as if I had something stuck around the top of my chest the rest of the night. I even woke up this morning with a very sore throat. This is one of the many things that chiari can do to you. I have choked before on chips, crackers, rice, and fried foods. That is why I very rarely eat those things. I just never thought that I would choke on mashed potatoes.

Weigh In

I got on the scale first thing this morning and ended up very happy! I have lost 3 lbs. I am not totally sure how I did this this last week. I haven't done my bike every day and I haven't done very many crunches at all. I have also lost another inch off my waist and hips. I am so proud of myself again finally.

Tonight I did my 20 minutes on my bike and will try to get some crunches done before bed. I helped Jake wash his steer, that was a lot of scrubbing and bending.

8/17/13

I didn't sleep well at all last night. very time I went to move my back hurt, then every time I stretched out my left ankle would start spasming. I have had my arms do that. my legs, butt, ribs, and my back, so this was new.

Tonight I went ahead and rode my bike tonight. I managed 15 minutes, burnt 300 calories, and 3 miles. I think I will still take tonight off on the crunches to give my back another night.

It actually became reality today about I am finally going to see a neurosurgeon. I received the paper work from his office today. I just can't wait to see someone who can confirm that this isn't "all in my head". I know I am not crazy.

Pain, Pain, and More Pain

I pretty much know that I must have pulled something in my side/back a few days ago. Today I haven't been able to move without having horrible pain. I think I aggravated it even more with all of the crunches I have been doing. Every time I move it's so bad I am in tears. So I have decided to take today and maybe tomorrow off of my workouts to see if it gets better. I have taken more ibuprofen and tramadol then prescribed today. If it doesn't get any better I may be asking my sister for something stronger. I didn't sleep at all last night because with every move it hurt so bad. I even took a hot bath last night at midnight. It didn't help much and I tried that tonight too. I really don't believe this is a chiari thing, but from turning the wrong way while lifting my cast iron skillet.

Horrible Headache

I woke this morning with being barely to lift my head up off my pillow. My head hurt so much it felt like it was going to explode, of course if it would explode I would feel so much better. This has been one of my worst headaches in a very long time. I had nausea to go along with it. I made myself get up and take my meds but went right back to bed. I kept trying to go back to sleep but I was in way too much pain for that. I spent most of my day in bed. I took probably more of my tramadol then I should have. It did relieve it enough to take Troy to get his lip pierced. I even managed to stop by Wal-Mart. I made it home then out to the farm to feed Jake's steer.

I came home and actually got on my bike for the 20 minutes. I haven't done my crunches yet but will when I go lay down.

I also think I may have pulled something in my side when I lifted my cast iron skillet the other day. Due to this stupid headache it kills me to move my neck the slightest bit.

I cannot wait until I see the neurosurgeon. I so hope he can help me. I can't take to many headaches like this.

Someone again mentioned to me about this just being a place for me to complain. Again if you don't want to read this you don't have too. I don't see this a place to complain I feel it is helping me keep going with my weight loss. If they would have known me they would have known I never complain unless it gets bad and today it's really bad. Just ask my amily or Henry(bf), most of the time when someone ask how I am doing I will usually say I am fine. I guess that's a sign to them that I feel prettty crappy but I can make it through the day. I could really use some sleep.

Back on My Bike

I have pushed myself to do a few things today like going to pick up my prescriptions, going to the post office, and going to the store. I managed to get laundry into the washer and dryer, I just need to fold and put it away. I cooked dinner, took Jake to the farm, on the way home he talked me into baking a cake(he's the skinny one).
While the cake was in the oven I got on my bike and managed to do 20 minutes. I have done 30 crunches and 20 leg lifts.
I have had a hard time getting over my trip to the game on Sunday. I feel very weak and tired but unable to sleep. It has even killed me to lay to long in bed.
On the good side I received a call today for an appointment for a neurosurgeon who I have been trying to get into. The appointment is Sept 17 if I have my new mri done before seeing him. I am assuming I won't get that done until maybe late next month to early October due to my insurance. But it's finally something to look forward to, I might finally get to the bottom of this and someone may actually believe me.

Quick Blog Post

I did do my crunches and leg lifts but my legs and knees are still not up to my bike. I went and walked around the casino with my son and sister so I got some exercise there.

Weigh in

The good news is that I didn't gain any weight while on vacation and being lazy from working out. I didn't weigh in Yesterday due being in San Francisco all day and getting home after 9 pm. That brings me to why I won't be working out tonight(at least riding my bike).

I got up at 5 am yesterday morning and got ready to take my sister and nephews to San Fran to AT&T Park to watch the Giants game. If any of you know me, you know I love baseball and love the SF Giants! Here is how are day went. We arrived there at 9:30 am, a few hours early. We waited in line until 11:50 am(standing/walking around). We then participated in The Junior Giants parade (my nephews played this year and got free tickets for 4 people). We then stood in line longer to get into the park. After we finally got inside we made our way to the elevators, then went up 5 stories, then walked (what seemed like forever) to get to our section (307 nose bleed), then up 2 flights of steep stairs to get to our seats. We sat for 8 full innings, neither one of us are able to walk up and down the stairs (there were also some rude people that left us enough room for my small foot to get by and they wouldn't move). At the beginning of the 9th (Giants were loosing) we decided to beat some of the crowd and start our way back down the stairs to the elevators. We then walked half way around the outside of the stadium to get to a line so the boys could run the bases on the field after the game. We walked half way around the inside of the stadium to get to where they started and followed them around to home plate(the boys had a great time, I did too!) Then it was back up some stairs and more walking to get outside. We then walked around half of the outside of the stadium and over the draw bridge, and back through a big parking lot to get to the car. Then we sat in a lot of traffic, and finally back home after 9 pm. I did all the driving. By the time I got home my head was aching and I was sore.

 I was surprised and didn't hate this pic of me, my face doesn't look fat any more.

This is my sister and the boys. The both are autistic.

So this morning(7 am) after a night of back and leg spasms I woke up in excruciating pain, both my head and my body. I went to stand and I fell(luckily back on my bed). It hurt so bad to just walk. I took my ibuprofen and tramadol and headed back to bed.  I managed to sleep until 9 am, my head felt better but my body didn't. As the day went by and I have pushed myself I am getting around somewhat better but still in pain. I did manage to wash the car, do laundry, and cook dinner but that's all. My knees are killing me and I don't want to make it worse by riding my bike, why torture myself.

All in all my weight and measurements are the same.

Short ride

Tonight I only did a 15 minute bike ride but at 2 this morning I did 40 crunches and 30 leg lifts.

It's been a long day doing much of nothing. I did manage to fold some laundry and put it away. We went to my sister's tonight for dinner. Dakota and Jake made a chicken pasta dish. Afterwards we all sat on the floor to make our signs to take to the SF Giants game tomorrow. I think I sat way to long on the floor because I barely made it up. My hips were killing me. After that was out to the farm so Jake could work with his steer. While we was doing that I cleaned up the hay, I looked over and noticed that 3 of the pigs out there some how got out of their pins, but thankfully they were still in the walk way which is fenced off. I got them back in pens, I am not sure if it was the ones they belonged in but they were in a pin.

So this is why I was only able to get do 15 minutes on my bike. I am exhausted and hope I sleep some before the long drive and day at AT&T park.

Back on My Bike

Tonight I finally made myself get back on my bike despise everything going on with me. At 2 this morning I couldn't sleep so I thought I would try to get in some crunches and leg lifts. I did 40 crunches and 20 leg lifts. I sure felt it this morning. If your wondering I didn't fall asleep until after 4:30 this morning and was back awake by 6 am.

Morning have been very hard for me lately. When I get out of bed I go to stand but almost fall(thank goodness the wall is there to catch me). I have been having a horrible headache that just won't go away. I have been also dealing with breaking out in a rash almost daily and it's really itchy. I am not sure if it's just something in the air or something else causing it. Benadryl has been my friend lately.

I have had no energy what so ever. I keep looking at the calendar and seeing it's getting closer and closer to going back to work and wondering how can I do this. I am not sure how I am going to get through another year where I have to be physical with a tough student. On most days all I feel like doing is laying around, which I don't do, I force myself to get up and get things done. Besides who is going to keep the house clean if I don't get out of bed the boys....HAHAHA!!!

Bad Day

I have had a really bad with headaches and pain. I guess it has had to do with not having my ibuprofen for over 2 weeks and I just got it back this afternoon. I have been taking the over the counter stuff but it's not the same as the 800 mg I get with prescription. All it has done is make me very nauseated.

I did manage to do 20 crunches but all that did was make me feel worse. I haven't gotten back on my bike yet, it hurts a lot to walk much less ride the bike. My feet are also swollen tonight, I guess I have been on them way too much lately. Hopefully I start feeling better by tomorrow.

8/5/13

I finally got home and in bed at 12:30 this morning. I have been watching my nephews for a few days and stayed at their house. While there I started doing some crunches and leg lifts. I have done 20 crunches the first night and 20 leg lifts. The second night I did 30 crunches and still only the 20 leg lifts.

I went to the doctor today and found out I had an infection somewhere in my body so I am now on antibiotics. I had also found out that the nurse hadn't yet faxed my referral over to the neurosurgeon. Lets just say I wasn't to happy with that seeing that it has almost been 2 months. I finally got a message this afternoon that she finally got it done. I can't wait to see him and see what he has to say about my chiari. I would love for him to confirm that all this pain and headaches are caused from my chiari and it's not just  "in my head".

I talked to my doctor about my weight loss because I couldn't believe the scale didn't say I had lost more weight then I had. She said not to look at the numbers on the scale but to look at how my clothes are fitting. She's right about that because my clothes are bigger even if the scale isn't saying the lower numbers. She said the numbers on the scale can actually hurt someone trying to loose weight, she would prefer for you not to have a scale at all. I thought that was interesting.